


92. I want you to be happy

by loumillerlesbian



Series: 100 ways to say I love you [6]
Category: Ocean's 8 (2018), Ocean's Eleven Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, F/F, I mean kinda?, Insecurity, Jealousy, Possessive Sex, Pre-Canon, Smut, Strap-Ons, now there's smut, these stupid gays...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-07 02:59:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16400069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loumillerlesbian/pseuds/loumillerlesbian
Summary: "Lou, where are you going?" Debbie calls after her, and Lou wants to keep walking, she really does, but her body doesn’t listen to her and she stops, waits for Debbie to catch up with her before she turns around to face her."I'm leaving. Have fun with him."





	1. don't promise me tonight without tomorrow, too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of the novelty of university life, I found time to write this! 
> 
> I hope y'all like it :D

She feels her stomach turn at the sight. Debbie,  _ her _ Debbie, touching some guy's arm as she leans into him, all flirty smiles and provocative postures, looking like she's ready to eat him alive. It’s a look she knows all too well, it's how Debbie charms all their marks, but this is not a job. They’ve gone out, together, celebrating a successful heist and yet there she is, flirting with that guy at the bar. 

Debbie meets her eyes for a second, and Lou can’t read her - why can't she read her? 

She feels the panic rise within her, because this has never happened; a bit of harmless flirting on the side, sure - usually men approached Debbie while Lou was right next to her, they’d get a few drinks out of Debbie’s flirtation, and then Debbie would disappear with Lou, leaving the men baffled. It’s fun, and it was unspoken between them that Debbie would always, always go home with Lou; and maybe, Lou likes parading out of a bar with Debbie in her arm and jealous men's eyes on them, but so what? 

They’ve been exclusive since they started sleeping together, and if Lou thinks about it probably even before that, but are they really? They’ve never talked about it after all, because that's how they work; it’s been uncomplicated between them, since the moment they met; they fell into it and they clicked. So Lou simply assumed their agreement was silent, as always, but apparently Debbie doesn't think there is an agreement at all. 

She feels sick, suddenly, seeing Debbie leaning into the man's personal space, smiling broadly at him as he talks. She’s not even sure if it’s fake interest she’s displaying, because she knows that while Debbie’s interest in whatever he’s saying may be minimal, she could still want him, and Lou’s own judgement is clouded by the mix of hurt and anger brewing inside her. 

She has to look away, can't take the scene across the bar anymore, and she breathes deeply. When she looks up again, she finds Debbie looking right at her, but there's no hint of the way she usually looks at Lou, not even worry about Lou’s pretty obviously distressed state. Instead, Debbie winks at her, and Lou feels like she’s about to throw up. 

The world around her seems to stop for a second and before she can think about it she stumbles away from the bar, pushing her way through the few people in her way. She doesn’t hear their protests, doesn't care anyways, and when she nearly falls through the side door out into an alley, the cool air that hits her skin makes makes her stop short, makes her feel like she's suddenly sober again. Her lungs suck in air as she finally breathes again and she leans against the wall, willing her head to stop spinning. 

She’s just back on her feet, beginning to walk away, towards the street, when she hears the door creak open behind her. 

"Lou, where are you going?" Debbie calls after her, and Lou wants to keep walking, she really does, but her body doesn’t listen to her and she stops, waits for Debbie to catch up with her before turning around to face her. 

"I'm leaving. Have fun with him."

Debbie frowns. "What?!"

"Whatever this -” she gestures between them - “is, if you need to look somewhere else, it's obviously not enough for you, so I’m leaving.” She’s amazed at how calm she sounds, despite feeling like she’ll cry any second if Debbie says one wrong word. 

Debbie finally catches on, realizing what Lou means, and her face falls. "Lou! That’s not what's going on!" She suddenly feels desperate, gesturing wildly with her hands, trying to keep Lou from walking away. 

“I want you to be happy, you know?”, Lou confesses, her blue eyes impossibly big as she looks at Debbie with such an open vulnerability in them it almost breaks her, before casting her glance down. “And I can understand if I’m no the one who can offer you that, okay? I mean look at me; a shabby apartment in a street some people wouldn’t dare to walk through, wearing clothes probably older than me, I can’t even –“ And that’s when Debbie can’t take it anymore, crashes forward and cuts her off, lips pressing against Lou’s before she herself can even think about what she’s doing, because how dare she even think that.

She’s been more than enough to Debbie the moment Lou caught her wrist as Debbie tried to snatch her wallet and Debbie saw that glint in her eyes for the first time. She’s been more than enough when she saved Debbie’s ass for the first time four years ago, and she was definitely more than enough when she let Debbie move into her place three years ago because Debbie was too damn broke and too damn proud to go to her family for help. Not to even begin with the first time they woke up next to each other, for real, and how Debbie swore to herself she'd never let her go because she could never want anything else more than that.

For a brief moment, she thinks she feels Lou relax against her, but then Lou pushes her away and takes a step back, frantically running her hands through her hair. “Debbie, don’t, I can’t - I can’t do this, not anymore!”

“Lou!” She lunges forward, grabs Lou by her shoulders. “Lou. Look at me, baby. Please.” Her voice is softer now, but no less urgent. Lou hesitantly raises her eyes, looking straight into Debbie's, and they both feel overwhelmed with the intensity. 

“Lou,” she begins again, and Lou’s eyes look dangerously teary. “I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you!” She knows that's not entirely what Lou wants to, needs to hear, but it’s a beginning, and she sees a flicker of hope in Lou’s eyes, so she continues. “Lou, I need you, more than anything, you're all I need and there's no-one who could ever make me as happy as you, baby, please, I don't want him, or anyone else except for you!” 

She’s fleetingly aware that she’s rambling but she doesn't care as she holds onto Lou’s shoulders, trying to somehow get Lou to listen to her, to believe her. She’s never really thought about what they were until now, because it wasn't ever really necessary. Subconsciously, she never considered them anything but exclusive, mostly because she never wanted anyone else, but she never thought about whether Lou needed to hear it. 

Her rambling seems to have calmed the blonde a little, her jaw more relaxed and her gaze not quite as piercing, but Lou’s voice is still sharp when she breaks the silence again. 

“What did you want, then? Flirting with him?” Lou doesn't sound convinced, her voice breaking a little, and Debbie's heart aches. With shaky fingers, she grasps at her purse, just big enough for the essentials, and opens it, procuring a leather wallet, thick and clearly already expensive enough without its contents. 

In front of her, Lou’s eyes drift to her hand and she lets out a shaky laugh of disbelief, then another, until her body is wrecking under a mix of sobs and hysterical laughs, and Debbie can't stand there any longer. She steps closer, wrapping her arms around Lou and then she feels her own tears pooling, running down her face. 

“I’m sorry,” Lou sobs into her shoulder, breathing raggedly as she tries to calm down. One of Debbie’s hands finds the back of her head, holds her close while the other hand strokes over her back, trying to tell her that it's okay, that they are gonna be okay. 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Debbie finally whispers when she finds her voice again. “I'm the one who's sorry, baby, I should have told you what I was doing, please believe me that I never wanted him!”

Lou raises her head, looking at Debbie with a soft smile, her eyeliner smudged from her tears. “Fuck, Deb, I was so scared,” she admits, and Debbie gently cradles her face in her hands, stroking her thumbs over Lou’s cheekbones, wiping away the last of her tears. 

“I’m sorry Lou, I’m so sorry.” She feels her own tears welling up again, but Lou lifts her own hand to stroke over Debbie’s head and pulls her in, kisses her with all she's got, presses her lips insistently against her, desperate to feel their connection. Their tongues meet and Lou’s other arm wraps around her waist, pulls her so close they’re flush against each other, leaving Debbie no space to breathe as Lou steals the oxygen from her. 

With a gasp, Debbie finally breaks away, sucking in air as she leans her forehead against Lou’s. They’re both catching their breath, recovering, until Lou tilts up Debbie’s chin a little to look her in the eyes, and whispers, “Let’s go home?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add a second chapter with smut, because why not? but I'm not sure yet...
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	2. don't say you love me, unless you do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh, I'm not really satisfied with this, but anyways

Their walk home is short and silent and Debbie is glad when it’s over because where usually their silence is comfortable and familiar, it's suddenly not. The adrenaline of the situation has worn off and what remains is the realization that this evening has disrupted everything they’ve known for the past few years - for the first time since she’s met Lou, she doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know what to do. It’s scaring her, and she knows Lou feels the same, from the way she’s fidgeting with the sleeve of her suit jacket and the way she looks over at her every few meters.

When they get home, to _their_ home, to the place they found together, everything is like it always is, and yet it isn’t.

They move in familiar patterns around each other; Lou goes to the kitchen to make them tea, Debbie goes to the bathroom to take her makeup off. When Debbie comes back into the kitchen, Lou is there waiting for her with to steaming cups of herbal tea, already changed from her suit into a comfortable pair of boxers. The robe she’s wearing over it, loosely tied around her waist, is one of Debbie's, and it makes her heart ache even more at the realization.  

Lou slides the cup over to her on the table, watching Debbie sit down on one of the chairs from where she’s leaning against the counter. They’re silent, and that in itself is nothing unusual, but right now it feels suffocating; neither of them ready to address what happened.

Debbie hears Lou take a sip of her tea, staring down into her own cup and stubbornly resisting the urge to look at Lou because she feels _so_ out of her comfort zone and she doesn’t want to admit that; she knows Lou could read her like a book if she looked at her. Hell, she probably can like this, too.

She drinks her own tea, tries to do _something_ to make the silence less awkward. It doesn’t help, and when she sets her cup down, she risks a tentative glance at Lou. Lou, who is staring right at her with a thoughtful, almost sad expression on her face.

Lou, who takes a deep breath and finally breaks the silence, still speaking so quietly one might have missed it if it weren't so utterly silent in the apartment. “What are we, Debbie?”

And there it is, the one question she doesn't have an answer to.

The ticking of the clock is loud as the seconds tick by, merging into full minutes, and Debbie just sits, staring at her cup. She has, perhaps for the first time, no idea what to say, because she's never thought about it. There never was any need for a plan with them, or anything to think twice about; everything felt so natural, so _right_ , from the beginning.

So she says the only thing that comes to her mind. “Partners?”

It comes out as more of a question than she intended, and she _knows_ it's a shitty excuse for an answer because yeah, of course, they’re partners - have been for years, now, but that's also obviously not what Lou means. But Debbie has no idea how to describe their relationship, or whatever it is. Is it a relationship?

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock,” Lou scoffs, crossing her arms in front of her. She’s waiting, and Debbie feels unsettled under her gaze.

“Look, if you don't want this to mean anything, it's alright,” Lou continues, and takes a deep breath that betrays her true emotions. “We can work jobs, we can fuck, we can fuck other people. Is that what you want?”

Sometimes she hates how blunt Lou is, how she can find everything that Debbie doesn't want to show and pick it apart, but right now, she has never been more glad for it. Lou knows how to get her to say what she feels without even thinking about it, because what Lou has suggested is definitely not what she wants.

She turns her head so sharply it hurts and stares at Lou, then shakes her head vehemently. “No. No, Lou, no, I don't!”

“What do you want, then?” Lou sounds tired and Debbie wants nothing but to hold her close and kiss her.

“You, Lou, I want you,” she says, gripping her cup tightly in her hands.

“Do you love me?” Lou asks almost tentatively, her voice smaller than Debbie has ever heard it, and when she looks up Lou looks like she's ready to run.

Her answer is past her lips before she can think about it. “Yes.”

“Why don't you just say that, then?”

Debbie has to resist the urge to close her eyes, ashamed of her inability to tell Lou how much she really means to her. Opposite her, Lou is watching her, and something in her gaze softens, an understanding in her eyes.

“Show me.”

 

Debbie is utterly amazed at the agonizingly slow pace Lou is keeping up, so tightly controlled even after Debbie has had her clawing at the sheets, coming at least twice, maybe three times - she's not quite sure, was too distracted by the high of making Lou come that she might have missed one.

But when Lou decided Debbie had shown her enough devotion, she’d flipped them over surprisingly quickly, catching Debbie off-guard, and set to work.

Debbie’s come once so far, on Lou’s unfairly talented tongue, as Lou slowly, gently opened her up, pushed her over the edge with unusually soft caresses, but it wasn't nearly enough for the sweet torture Lou has been putting her through for god knows how long now, thrusting into her steadily, slowly, with a strap-on she must have retrieved at some some point when Debbie was pretty sure she passed out from the force of her first orgasm.

Lou is quite literally fucking her into the bed; Debbie feels like she has melted into the mattress, her entire body feeling warm and pliant under the weight of Lou on top of her. She’s leaning on her elbows on either side of Debbie’s head with her face nuzzled into the curve of Debbie’s neck, panting against her skin every so often.

Lou tilts her head to kiss her, steals the gasp off her lips when she slips out almost all the way, only to slide back in agonizingly slow, and Debbie's hands on her ass press harder, urging her to move faster, harder, just give her more.

“Lou, fuck me,” Debbie groans against her lips, eyes closed and her brows furrowed in concentration.

Lou’s answer is a particularly deep thrust that makes Debbie arch against her and she claws at Lou’s back, searching for purchase as her eyes roll back in her head. When she opens them again, she finds Lou looking right at her, staring deep into her eyes. “That’s my girl.”

“Fuck, Lou,” Debbie moans, the hand on her ass pressing Lou closer against her body so they’re flush against each other, skin on skin. She’s buried so deep inside her the straps of the harness rub against Debbie’s hips and Lou is sure it'll hurt tomorrow, but right now that doesn’t really matter.

She shifts on her elbows to get her hands into Debbie’s hair, cradling her head to be able to scratch the back of her neck the way Debbie likes, and Debbie's eyes flutter closed at the contact. She’s not sure they’ve ever been this _intimate_ , no matter how close they’ve been, and she feels her heart ache with it. Lou knows Debbie loves her, but this is so full of emotion it's almost overwhelming her.

Burying her face back into the crook of Debbie’s neck, Lou licks out lazily, tasting the fine sheen of sweat on her skin. The pang of pain in her shoulders when Debbie digs her fingers into them, responding to Lou’s thrust, makes her growl against the skin and she scrapes her teeth over it, moving on to suck a mark on her collarbone. She's never thought about it until now, simply enjoyed the breathless gasps and quiet whimpers she could draw from Debbie with her teeth and lips on her skin, but now it fills her with selfish pride, knowing Debbie will be carrying around her marks for a few days, and it makes her thrust a little harder, determined.

“My girl,” she whispers against her ear, revelling in the way Debbie moans in response. It’s a heady feeling to have Debbie under her like this, arching against her, and she wants to make the most of it, draw it out for ages; she doesn’t know how long they’ve actually been in this position but it's enough for her to feel it in every fibre of her body, muscles burning with exertion.

She pants heavily against Debbie’s neck, reaching down with one hand, and it takes a bit of coordination to keep her balance but she manages. When her fingers find Debbie’s clit, neglected and pulsing, Debbie almost screams, and Lou silences her with a kiss, swallowing her sounds.

Debbie’s hips move against hers, twitching under the strokes of her thumb, and Lou knows she must be close, from the way she’s moaning relentlessly and her body seems almost out of her control. But Lou feels her own body protest against the way she’s holding her own body up on one arm so she pulls her hand away from Debbie’s clit. Debbie wails in protest, her fingers digging into Lou’s back again. “Lou!”

“Come on baby, you can do it,” Lou tells her, and Debbie moves her own hand between their bodies. With Lou still thrusting into her at a steady pace, it takes her a few seconds to find a comfortable position for her wrist but it works and she lets out a guttural moan when her own fingertips brush her clit. Lou looks down at her in almost childlike wonder, so fond. “That’s my girl.”

“Yours,” Debbie pants through gritted teeth, eyebrows knitted together. “Yours, Lou, fuck, yours.”

Debbie’s free hand comes to Lou’s neck to pull her in and Lou kisses her again, soft and sweet. When she pulls away, Lou’s grip in her hair tightens to expose her neck and Debbie moans at the tingling in her scalp, at the sensation of Lou sucking on her neck. It sends sparks straight to her clit and she's so close, the way Lou scrapes her teeth over the skin almost sends her over the edge. Instead, she rubs a little faster and presses Lou closer to her, urging her to go harder. “Lou, please -”

Lou snaps her hips forward, her body aching, but she knows Debbie is almost there and there's nothing more rewarding than watching Debbie fall apart under her. “Come for me.”

It only takes her a few seconds before she feels Debbie’s body lock up under her, arching on a silent gasp, before collapsing on the bed. “That’s my girl,” Lou murmurs, nipping at Debbie’s jaw while she keeps up shallow thrusts to work Debbie through her orgasm, Debbie reduced to a moaning, twitching mess under her.

She gently strokes Debbie’s hair as she waits for her two come back to herself. When she opens her eyes again, she’s positively glowing, smiling brightly at Lou.

“You good?”

“Hell yes.” Debbie still seems pretty blissed out and Lou drops a kiss to her forehead, Debbie’s arms winding tightly around her.

“Baby, I need to take this off,” Lou protests, moving her hips a little and feeling Debbie shiver in response.

“Stay,” Debbie whispers, and Lou grins.

“You still want more?”

Debbie rolls her eyes at Lou’s smug words, then reluctantly lets go of her. “Fine.”

She gasps when Lou pulls out, then watches as Lou pads to the bathroom, listens to her unbuckling the straps of the harness.

It’s only a few minutes until Lou comes back to bed but Debbie is already half asleep, doesn't open her eyes to see Lou slide in next to her and pull the covers up over them, only snuggles closer to her. She’s nuzzling her neck, feels Lou’s fingers card through her hair and scratch her scalp.

“Yours,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to Lou’s throat, and hears her hum.

“Yours,” Lou repeats. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!


End file.
